Wednesday morning, I was on a Bolt Bus headed for New York City when I made a seemingly simple decision that dramatically altered the course of the next few days.
I was heading to the city because my friend Annah was visiting New York from LA.
She, having organized dinner with some of my favorite people on earth, invited me to join. And I, though living all the way up here in Boston, couldn’t resist.
To Annah’s credit, she knows me all too well and selling me on the trip was far too easy. All she had to do was tell me where we were eating and who was going.
I was sold.
Good food, better company, and New York City? Done. I couldn’t say no, really. So I booked my ticket. On a bit of a whim. For a day and a half later.
Fast forward that day and a half and it’s Wednesday morning.
I’m literally on my way to the city and still working on figuring out exactly where I’ll stay that night. But I wasn’t too worried about it…
Lucky for me, I’ve got a bunch of great friends who have all told me, “You’ve always got a place to stay whenever you’re in the city.” So I wasn’t really worried about finding a place to stay. I was, however, worried about being a nuisance to the aforementioned amazing friends.
Because the decision to go on this little trip was so last-minute, I felt bad springing it on anyone. I mean, I tend to prefer keeping my overall likability as high as possible—especially among my friends.
So, sitting on that New-York-bound Bolt Bus, I made a decision… The decision that changed everything:
On my trip, I’d impose as little as possible.
Come to find out, that simple decision, made with the best of intentions, would become a costly mistake.
But Mistakes Are Good or Whatever, Right? Because Learning
Not long after midnight, we were wrapping up an evening full of fine dining and deep conversation. We all exchanged high fives, hugs, and hand-pounds, and went home for the night.
For me, that meant Chris and Tanner’s place Harlem.
Best part? Tanner wasn’t even home that night. So instead of crashing on a couch, I’d get a bed. With spare keys in my pocket and a soft bed on my mind, I got on the 1 and went uptown—exhausted and excited for sleep.
But it never really came.
Because instead of a soft bed, I wound up sleeping in a hard-floored hallway…
Instead of staying at Tanner’s, I basically spent that night homeless in Harlem.
And while “Homeless in Harlem” sounds like a delightful title for one of those Magic Treehouse books, living it in real life wasn’t super fun.
Here’s How It All Went Down…
By the time I got off the train in Harlem, it was already 1:30 and I was exhausted. My day was full of travel, meeting up with friends, and sneaking work into slivers of time in my schedule.
Plus, I was already behind on sleep from the night before—stayed up too late and got up too early to catch my bus.
It was the home stretch of a long day. I was just three blocks, five flights, and two doors away from a soft bed and much needed sleep.
Before long, I arrived at number 501 (the first door), dug Tanner’s spare keys out of my pocket, put the street-level key in the lock, turned, and walked in…
Behind door #1 was exactly what you’d expect in an old Harlem building:
– A long string of the metallic-silver mailboxes you’ll find on the main floor of countless apartment buildings.
– Those thick-rounded edges and corners that come from coat after coat of paint covering the walls, pipes, and baseboards—brown accents on cream in this case.
– And what may have once been white tile floors shrouded by layers of dust and stain.
After climbing the five flights of stairs, I found myself at 5C…
Door #2
I fished the spare keys back out of my pocket, put the apartment key in the lock, turned…
…and nothing. I tried to turn again. Still nothing. I switched from turning left to right. More nothing.
I jiggled, I fiddled, and nothing worked. So I did what everyone would do in this kind of situation, I laughed…
For one, I’m probably not the first person to struggle getting through a door after a night out. But seeing as how I don’t drink, I’m probably much less inebriated than the person you’ll usually find fiddling with a lock at 2 am.
This made me chuckle.
On top of that, I’ve had laughably bad luck with locks lately.
My door in Boston has given me an embarrassing amount of trouble. I mean, it’s always been a bit tricky—you’ve got to pull the key up and back as you twist or it won’t unlock. But I’ve been locked out (with my keyring, mind you) enough times to call my key-confidence into question.
I figured this was more of the same. And for the sake of my self-efficacy, I had to beat this lock. After all, I had the key. It’s just a door. I’ve been opening these things as long as I can remember.
An hour of effort later, this stupid key had rubbed index finger raw and I still hadn’t gotten past door #2.
One thing was clear at this point: I wasn’t getting inside and I needed to find a place to sleep.
Then Things Really Started to Get Interesting
By now, I’ve already messaged both Tanner and Chris. They’re fast asleep, which makes sense considering it’s the middle of both the night and workweek.
I could have banged on the door or rang the bell, but I didn’t.
I could have called Chris, who was sleeping just a few feet away, or Tanner. But I didn’t.
I could have called any of my amazing friends around the city, explained my situation, and easily found a place to sleep. But I didn’t.
One friend that was still awake told me to snag an Uber to Brooklyn so I could sleep on her futon. But still, I didn’t.
Instead, I slept on the hard floor of the hallway. Well, kind of. According to a sleep tracker on my phone, I really only slept about 26 minutes. Not sure how much that even counts.
Why on earth did I effectively chose to sleep on the floor when I had other options?
Two main reasons…
1. That morning, I already made the decision that I’d impose as little as possible.
Banging on doors, ringing bells, making calls, and Ubering to Brooklyn would have been imposing. I didn’t want to wake people up or force them to stay awake while they waited for me to arrive. (The Uber was going to take an hour and there’s no way I was going to force her to stay up waiting for me until four.)
2. I’m really bad at asking for and accepting help with “me” problems.
Like, this has been a thing for a long time. Maybe it’s because I want to be independent and self-reliant. Maybe it’s because I don’t like the idea of burdening others. More than likely, it’s both (plus a myriad of other contributing factors). But if it’s an issue that only affects me, I feel like I should handle it myself.
It’s a foolish mindset. And my homeless night in Harlem put that into sharp relief.
Literally everyone I’ve told this story to has looked at me like I was being an idiot. Looking back, I can’t help but agree.
I was being an idiot.
But in the moment, the thought of burdening others with my problems crippled my ability to make a decision other than the one that left me sleeping on the filthy floor.
I’m not alone in this sort of mindset.
A lot of us are reluctant to accept or ask for help—in general, but especially when we know we need it.
If you take a step back, this unwillingness to be helped is absolute foolishness. We need help, but we’re caught up in this go-it-alone mindset. We’re stuck—pigeonholing ourselves and going nowhere.
Sure, openly admitting you need help is a vulnerable thing. It’s can be hard.
But as soon as we actually let ourselves accept help, things get better. A lot better. And we’re in complete control of that.
Translation: You’re in complete control of that.
You Can (and Should) Learn from My Mistakes
Lesson #1:
It’s okay to need help. You can’t do it all alone all the time. So maybe stop trying…?
Lesson #2:
When you need help, ask for it. I guarantee you’ve got plenty of people happy to help you out.
Lesson #3:
When someone offers help, accept it. You aren’t a burden or nuisance for saying yes.
Simple enough, right?
Listen, you don’t have to learn this the hard way. Smart people learn from their mistakes (and I have every intention of learning from mine). But truly wise people learn from the mistakes of others…
So, you’re welcome ;)
Now for One Last Thing
If you actually read my stuff, I’m willing to bet that you’re here for the fitness help. Maybe you originally came because we’re friends or you heard about my quippy wit, but you stayed because of the fitness stuff.
You stayed (and continue to stay) because you know you need help with the confusing and convoluted world of health and fitness. (Lesson #1? Check.)
However…
Unless you’ve reached out to me directly or applied for coaching, you haven’t asked for help. Honestly, I’m here to help and happy to do it. But the people that take me up on that are too few and far between.
Though, this is on me too.
Because I should offer to help more often, which is exactly what I’m about to do.
Listen, I get it. It’s November. The holidays are upon us. And there are a million reasons why this is the worst time to focus on fitness.
But there are always going to be a million reasons not to do something.
Instead, let’s talk about the reasons why you should focus on fitness over the holidays. It’s pretty simple, really:
During the holiday season—with all the travel, festivities, and food—our fitness need help and guidance more than ever.
The holidays shouldn’t serve as a reason to put off health and fitness until January 1st. Instead, they’re all the more reason to focus on having a plan…
A plan that gives you freedom to get results either at home and on the road.
A plan that gives you flexibility to eat, drink, and make merry without derailing your progress.
And most importantly, a plan that lets you enjoy every delicious bite of the season. Because yum.
That’s what I’m here for.
Special Offer: Get Your Plan for the Holiday Season
I’m a food-loving fitness professional for a reason. Helping people love food and be fit is one of my favorite things. And right now, I want that to be you—especially during the holidays.
Plus, I’m going to offer you a special deal. (Because <3)
Usually, a-la-carte coaching calls are $100. And considering you leave with a specific action plan based on you, your goals, and your life, it’s worth every penny.
But right now, I want to knock 50% off the usual price.
In a couple weeks, I’m heading back to New York for Thanksgiving. (Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I don’t wind up homeless this time around.) Between now and then, I’ve got a handful of extra openings in my calendar for calls.
I’d love to fill those slots with people that know they need help to dominate the holidays this year. Here’s the thing, though. I’ve only got so much free space. So…
The 50% discount only applies to the first 15 people that reach out and schedule a call.
After that, the price returns to normal. And sure, you could still schedule a call to get the help you need and totally crush it over the holidays. You’d just have to pay full price—twice as much as the first 15.
(Full disclosure: I already sent this story out via email and some spots have already been snatched.)
Or, ya know, you could just act now and make sure you snag one of the discounted slots.
That’s what I’d do.
Click to Book Your Half-Off Call
Now’s the time to finally get the fitness help you know you need. Help that’ll keep you fit while you enjoy the holidays.
And I’m offering that help at a hefty discount. Question is…
Will you accept the help or try to go it alone?
Book your call and let’s get you in my schedule.
Talk soon,
Ben
PS – Turns out the spare key I had to Tanner’s place doesn’t actually work. Fun fact. The next night I had the right key and slept perfectly safe and sound. I learned a lot about accepting and asking for help that first night. The hard way. Don’t make the same kind of mistake with your fitness. Let’s schedule a discounted call. You don’t have to do this alone.