Can I pick your brain? Those five words will change everything.

But in all the wrong ways.

You could have the best intentions, but asking to pick somebody’s brain is an instant turn off. Imagine being out to dinner and your date’s inexplicably rude to the wait staff. Or, if you’re like me, imagine meeting someone and learning they don’t like Nutella.

These are major red flags. And when they pop up, budding relationships can come screeching to a halt.

Which is exactly what happens when you ask to pick somebody’s brain. If you’re trying to meet your mentor, you’d be better off not asking. Here’s why…

Brain picking and coffee shop advice is worthless.

It’s not worthless because of the advice given, but because of the action taken—er, not taken.

It’s unfortunate, really. Most of the time, people that receive free advice never take action or implement it. The mentor could be giving pure gold, but even gold’s worthless if you never do anything with it.

I see it all the time with fitness stuff. Everybody loves getting free fitness advice. Parties are interesting for fit pros because as soon as people find out what we do, they become a lot more talkative.

But more than having an interest in what I do, they have an interest in what they’re trying to do. Lose fat, build muscle, eat better… the list goes on. Before long, they’re asking questions and fishing for free advice.

At first, I didn’t mind. I love talking to people. And love helping people even more. It’s why I do what I do. So I jumped at the opportunity to do both. I’d dive into all sorts of detail and give them a lot of the same information and advice that I give my coaching clients.

But then I realized it was a waste of time and effort. Nobody ever did anything with the advice I gave out for free.

I guarantee anybody that has a brain worth picking has seen their free advice go  to waste again and again. They’re done repeating the cycle.

It’s okay, though. Just because they don’t want to grab coffee or let you pick their brain, doesn’t mean that you can’t develop a mentorship. You just have to do it the right way.

The Right Way to Meet Your Mentor (Psst…It’s Like Dating)

Don’t look at it like a mentorship. Look at it like a relationship.

I met my mentor, John Romaniello, when he presented at a fitness business seminar in Las Vegas. The first night had an opening social and I had been following Roman’s work for years. I had to talk to him. But I was nervous.

The last thing I wanted to do was “talk shop,” have the same conversation he’d have with countless other kids at the seminar, or fan boy too hard.

Usually, nerves don’t bother me. Thanks to a background in musical performance, I’m comfortable—even thrive—in situations that other people find nerve wracking. Usually.

But this was different.

This was someone I had looked up to for years. This was the guy that helped me get fit when I first started working out. This was the guy whose website taught me how to be a better trainer when I started working in gyms. And this was the guy whose book inspired me to take my work outside the gym and start writing.

For most the night, he was busy talking. Meanwhile I was busy keeping an eye out for the window of opportunity to introduce myself.

When it finally came, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. Instead of saying, “Hello.” and “I love your work, bro.” I wanted to tell him something meaningful.

I told him that thanks to his work, I had changed lives. And that he was indirectly changing the lives of people he hadn’t even met.

“Thank you,” he said, “that really means a lot.”

Mission accomplished. I said something meaningful.

If I said nothing else, I would have felt good about our short exchange. But we proceeded to have a meaningful conversation…

I didn’t pick his brain. And we didn’t talk about training or nutrition. But we talked for about 20 minutes. We talked about why I wasn’t drinking at an open bar, about my religion and beliefs, about New York vs Southern California, and even about what it was like living in the thriving metropolis that is Provo, Utah.

We talked about anything and everything—except fitness.

I didn’t treat him like an information ATM. I treated him like a human freakin’ being. I know, it’s a crazy concept. Instead of asking him to help me, I offered to help him—giving him a recipe for Snickers pancakes. And instead of being some kid he met at a seminar, we started to develop a relationship.

Fast forward a few years and several bromantic interactions. He’s not only my mentor, he’s my friend.

This didn’t happen by chance. I wanted to develop a relationship and I offered him value.

If you approach a relationship with no other goal than personal gain, the relationship is destined for failure. This applies to dating and friendships, but especially applies when it’s time to meet your mentor.

The potential ROI on any relationship is high. But you must invest.

Give before you get. Help others before you help yourself. And do everything you can to make their life better. You may spend years giving and helping before you ever cash in a favor or ask for help. And that’s okay.

There’s no better way to help yourself than consistently helping others.

I’m sure Roman spoke with dozens of people that night in Vegas. I wasn’t the only young buck excited to meet one of the biggest names in the industry. But I’d bet money I was the only one that offered to send him a recipe for Snicker pancakes.

It stood out.

And it was a critical first step in developing a mentorship that changed my life.

Seperate Yourself from the “Normies” and Become Successful

John once told me, “Normies spend time to save money. But successful people spend money to save time.”

The biggest difference between normal people and successful people is money.

Not how much they have, but how much they spend on accelerating the process. No matter what you do, time is the ultimate commodity. Nothing’s more valuable than your time. And it’s on a short list of things you’ll never get back.

When you spend money, you can always make it back. Spend time and it’s gone forever. Yet people everywhere spend their priceless time to save a few bucks. It makes no sense. No matter how much money you save, it’s still a loss. A better strategy is to make investments that give you more time, not less.

Mentorships save you time. Every time.

What may have taken you years to do on your own suddenly takes months with a mentor. It’s a surefire way to accelerate your path to mastery.

But when you approach a potential mentor, don’t be a normie. Normies are the people that pick brains and ask for free advice. And when it comes to their progress and results, they get what exactly they pay for. Nothing.

Be successful instead.

Successful people are a different breed. Instead of spending time to save money, they’re willing to spend money to save time. Offer to pay for your mentor’s advice. (No, their coffee doesn’t count.) Think of it as a consulting fee and an investment—in yourself, in your time, in your success.

Fast-track Your Fitness Future

Do you want to be a fitness normie or do you want to be successful?

You could spend years stumbling through all the confusion in the fitness industry. Or you could invest in yourself, your body, your health, and save yourself all sorts time.

I want to be your fitness mentor.

I want to connect, develop a relationship, and help you make your goals a reality. The timing’s perfect. Right now, the BENTRAINED Coaching Program is accepting applications. But I only have a few open spots and if you don’t act fast, they’ll fill up.

Stop being a normie right now.

It’s time you meet your mentor, change your life, and get the results you’ve always wanted.

Discover how simple success can really be. Apply today.