Ever been to a wedding? I’ve been to more weddings than I care to count. Way more. But that’s what you get for having lived most of your 20s in Provo, Utah. As home to Brigham Young University—aptly nicknamed Breed-em Young University—Provo and weddings go hand-in-hand.
Weddings are great. Receptions are fun. But getting married is a bit crazy.
Don’t get me wrong. I have every intention of getting married and being a family man. I’m even looking forward to it. But when you take a step back and look at marriage from a distance, it’s a crazy notion.
Two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. Sometimes they’ve known each other for years. Other times they’ve only known each other a few months. And in certain rare cases, they’ve just met. #WhatHappensInVegas
Regardless, these are two people that commit to a lifetime together. To codependence. Usually, they’ve known one another for a mere fraction of their lives.
Seems crazy, right?
But here’s the thing—deep down, we know it isn’t. Because love, the ultimate motivator. A lot of illogical, outlandish, and ridiculous things people do can be traced back to love. Romantic, familial, friendly, passion—it doesn’t matter. As a motivator, love is second to none.
Love As the Ultimate Motivator
I’ve considered love my ultimate motivator for years. Most of what I do in my day-to-day is directly connected to one of my three big loves:
1. Connecting with people
2. Helping people
3. Food
But does the concept hold water at scale? Naturally, I had to investigate. Turning to the purest form of empirical data I know, I posted a question on Facebook. Here’s what I asked:
“What’s the craziest (strangest, most ridiculous, illogical, or even foolish) thing you’ve done in the name of love?”
The response was overwhelming and the conclusion was clear. People do all kinds of crazy things in the name of love.
There were a couple comments about moving (across the world, no less). One about attempting polyamorous living. Another about reaching out over the ether to a complete stranger. Embarrassing experiences. Funny stories. And fantastic examples of the crazy things we’ll do when motivated by love. All kinds of love.
Love’s More Than Candle-Lit Dinners
Romance is merely one piece to a much bigger puzzle. There are countless ways that love manifests itself in our lives. We love friends. We love family. We love inanimate things like music, art, and hobbies. I love food. Oprah loves bread.
The list goes on. Love knows no bounds. And it’s amazing what people do for love.
Life-Changing Decisions for Romantic Love (from Kendell)
Kendell is one of oldest friends. We’ve known each other since Pre-K. Growing up, we went to church together. We both had math with Mr. Montgomery in high school. It’s no joke when I say, we go way back. But I hadn’t even heard this story.
“I was planning on moving to Utah. My sister lived there. I would work for a bit, get settled and start college.
She came home to CA to visit for my dad’s birthday. She came in the door as I was being walked in from a first date so I introduced the guy to her and the rest of my family that was there. He went on his way and my big sister started asking me if I was ready to move to Utah and was telling me how excited she was to show me around.
I wanted nothing more but to leave my hometown but I found myself saying, ‘I think I will stick around here for a bit. See how things go.’
She looked at me in disbelief.
‘You don’t actually think you’re going to marry that guy do you!?’
9 years later I sit here writing this listening to our daughter playing in her room. Glad I stuck around. Changing my college plans and getting married at 19. Pretty foolish to some. But so worth it!”
Speedo on Stage for the Love of Craft (from Robbie)
Robbie is a fellow fit pro that I’ve recently connected with from a business mastermind. Before he got into the fitness game and launched a sweet podcast, he was a dedicated thespian. And he did some crazy things for the love of his craft. Crossdressing, lip syncing, cross-dressed lip syncing, and this:
“I’m the dude in the speedo.
At 19, I went onstage in a speedo, shaved chest, stomach, legs. I Naired and it sucked. Then I had to kiss the dude under me on the surfboard a la Spiderman upside down kiss.”
By the way, I was a guest on this episode of Robbie’s Podcast. I might be a bit biased, but I think it’s a great episode.
Doing Hard Things for Love of Family (from Staci)
I met Staci in college. I remember sitting down at our favorite sushi spot and hearing about this guy she met. He ended up becoming her husband. Since then, they’ve started their family. Her comment was short and simple. It was also one of my favorites.
“Childbirth. Hahaha”
Now, love hasn’t motivated me to change life plans after a first date, wear a speedo on stage, or birth a child. Maybe you have personal experience with those, but even if you don’t, you can relate.
We all know love. We’ve all experienced love as a motivator—the ultimate motivator. The problem, though, is that most of us are much more familiar with the opposite—hate. And it doesn’t work.
Hate: The Ultimate De-Motivator
We should use love to motivate. But usually, we do the opposite. It’s especially obvious in fitness. I’ve heard countless people say that they hate their love handles or beer bellies, thunder thighs or man boobs, this trouble spot or that.
Hate and shame won’t get you fit. If they did, everyone would have big arms and flat abs.
In the long run, negative reinforcement creates an unhealthy relationship. In fitness, in life, in everything. When things get tough (and they will get tough) hate is a lousy motivator.
Hating your love handles won’t make it easier to wake up early and hit the gym. It won’t make Netflix, your couch, and ice cream less appealing after a long day at work. And it won’t inspire you to cook a healthy meal instead of grabbing fast food.
Simply put, hate doesn’t provide a deep and meaningful “why.” Instead, it creates a damaging negative feedback loop.
When self-deprecation and hate serve as the impetus of fitness, the process is a chore and the journey loses its joy. At that point, you’re sunk. Because even the best workout program in the world won’t get results if you don’t follow it. And you won’t stick to a plan you don’t enjoy.
Motivate with hate and your training will be more pain than pleasure. In time, you’ll hate your program more than the love handles, beer belly, or whatever else your initial “motivator” was. Then you’ll stop. (Which usually leads to more hate and self-deprecation. It’s a nasty cycle.)
Luckily, there’s a better way.
The Ultimate Motivator and Meaningful “Why”
Everybody has surface-level goals when it comes to fitness. Wanting arms and abs isn’t a bad thing. But they’re only the beginning. As you dig into the why behind these goals, you uncover deeper meaning. Then, surface-level goals become the cherry on top of your true motivation.
Want to get fit? Cool. Why?
After you get about 3–5 whys deep, you’ll 1) discover your deep and meaningful “why” and 2) make Simon Sinek proud. In his book and TED Talk, Simon talks about the importance of starting with why. His applications relate most business, but they’re still relevant in fitness. Allow me to illustrate with dialogue.
I want to lose 10 pounds. Why? Because I weighed that much in college and it felt great. Why did it feel great? I was more confident and felt better about myself back then. Now I just feel so… ‘blech.’ Why do you want to feel less ‘blech?’ I used to love feeling confident when I walked into a room. I miss it. And it’s impossible to feel confident when you’re stuck feeling, well, ‘blech.’ Losing 10 pounds will help me get my confidence back.
Boom. Deep down, the goal of losing 10 pounds is truly motivated by confidence and love. Not arrogance. Not hate. And not merely wanting to look better in the mirror. (Though that’ll likely end up happening as a nice side effect.)
When you uncover your “why,” you’ll be able to keep motivated through even the toughest of times. Because when you know your why, you’ll drift away from hate and toward love, the ultimate motivator.
For some people, it’s self-love and confidence that motivates fitness. For others, it might be loving their family that inspires a healthy lifestyle. And for you, it might be something completely different. Regardless of what it is, when you find a deep, meaningful, and love-based motivator, you’ll get better results. Better yet, those results will last.
Dig into your goals. Discover your why. And start using the ultimate motivator to your advantage.
Then let me know what your deep, meaningful, and love-based motivation is.